Thierry Ennui

By: Martin | December 2nd, 2009

ennui noun a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom.

That pretty much sums up how I’ve felt for some time about the Thierry Henry handball situation. You’ll recall that I launched a preemptive backlash against the hysterical media coverage right after the incident happened, before most of the media accusations of cheating, etc. even started.

I’ve pretty much tried to ignore it since then (although I have to admit I laughed several times at Roy Keane’s take on it in a press conference). There’s been a lot to ignore, though. Seemingly scores of washed up ex-players, some of them with documented histories of drug abuse, alcoholism, and/or domestic abuse, have taken the opportunity to run to the media lambasting Henry’s character, in a desperate, pathetic attempt to grab that elusive 16th minute of fame. Some people said that the only way that Henry could rescue his integrity was to immediately retire from international football, or to refuse to play in the World Cup. Whatever.

The Irish football federation has made a continual stink about it, saying that Henry’s handball ruined the integrity of the entire sport because the goal was important and should not have been allowed to stand. It’s funny. While their self-appointed protection of the game is admirable, they didn’t make nearly as big a deal of their complete fraud of a penalty in the qualifying match against Georgia, which they ended up winning by one goal:

Funny, right? You would think an organization so altruistically concerned about protecting the integrity of the game through disallowing any goals which should not have been scored would have been pretty upset about that, too. Yet I don’t remember the Irish federation calling for a replay or claiming Georgia should also be included in the World Cup because of that game. It’s almost as though they’re not actually concerned about the integrity of the game, they’re just pissed they’re not getting to go to the world cup.

Look. I understand that they’re frustrated. If that had happened to the US, I would have been furious, too. But at a certain point you just have to accept what happened as simple bad luck, take your defeat with as much dignity as you can, and be proud of your team, which played extremely well in a difficult circumstance. They’re not the first team to lose on a dive/handball goal which was allowed because of crap refereeing. What you shouldn’t do is continue to screech about it in the media, even going so far as to petition FIFA to be allowed into the World Cup as a 33rd team.

That’s basically like the pasty, schlubby best man at a wedding pathetically asking the happy couple, “Can I be married to you guys, too?” It doesn’t work. There’s been 32 teams in the World Cup, 8 groups of 4, and there’s no logical way to shoehorn another club in. Ireland had to know that wouldn’t work, yet they asked anyway. The whole thing was ridiculous.

Just as ridiculous, if not more so, was the announcement today by FIFA head/model of ineffectual incompetence Sepp Blatter that the disciplinary committee was looking into the incident, and would possibly suspend or otherwise discipline Henry. Sigh.

This is basically the UEFA/Eduardo thing all over again. Unsurprisingly, FIFA officials were apparently too busy playing with their busy benches to learn lessons from what happened there.

Then, as now, the governing organization caved in to media outcry and tried to give the appearance of discipline and integrity in order to appease the aggrieved party. But UEFA quickly realized what a quagmire it would be in if it actually did anything–Eduardo was hardly the first guy to take a dive in European competition, so it would have to come up with some justification as to why he was being singled out. If it was the start of a new policy, then UEFA would have to actually review game films whenever a team felt a player on another team did something dirty or took a dive. And since that happens virtually every game, UEFA realized that disciplining Eduardo would have forced it to become a court of appeal for every team that felt it got the bad end of a refereeing decision, which is basically every team in every game. And then UEFA would have had to make those decisions, which would have always angered one team or the other, to the point where every club/fanbase/media outlet would think UEFA was even more of a joke than it already is. They realized it was an untenable situation, and rescinded the suspension. They could have asked me first, I could have told them all this and saved them the trouble, but they didn’t.

The other ludicrous part of the Eduardo affair was that the proposed suspension was going to be for longer than it would have been had he actually been given a straight red by the referee. He would have effectively been suspended for extra games, then, not because he dove, but because the referee failed to do his job and spot it. UEFA was therefore setting itself up for a rule where you were punished not just for diving, but given extra punishment if you got away with it, something which is out of the player’s hands.

Here, similarly, if FIFA disciplines Henry, they’re setting a precedent–if you feel you were on the wrong end of a ref’s call in an international match, make enough of a stink about it in the media and we’ll actually do something. They are rewarding complaining. It’s also true that if the referee had seen it, Henry would have, in all likelihood, simply been given a yellow and faced no additional punishment. But because the referee didn’t make the call, now FIFA seems to think he deserves some sort of extended suspension. It’s illogical on a number of levels, and maybe it’s the lawyer in me, but it boggles my mind how these football governing bodies can walk into these situations willy-nilly without any rules or procedures for what they’re trying to do and not expect it to end badly, with neither party happy.

At any rate, FIFA can tell themselves, and the media, that such an action would send the message “don’t cheat.” It won’t. It will send the message–”don’t cheat against a country that has a powerful media influence (especially Scotland or Ireland) and will continue to complain about it. If you’re going to cheat, make sure you do it against a small nation, where people won’t listen to or care about their complaints.” Just ask Georgia.

A real governing body would try to learn from the incident and ask serious questions about what they could do to prevent such an incident from happening again–if FIFA utilized either (a) video replay; or (b) an official behind the goal, it’s inconceivable that the goal would have been allowed to stand. Instead, it pulls its normal “Keystone Kops” routine of bumbling around trying to get itself out of the news, making itself look even more ridiculous in the process.

Sigh. I can’t help but think of a line from one of my favorite television shows, “The Wire.” The show’s about a lot of things, one of them the incompetence and politicization of the police department. At one point, McNulty, one of the main characters, fed up with being short-changed and hampered by bureaucrats, says, exhaustedly, “I wonder what it would be like to work at a real police station.” That’s basically where I am–I wonder what it would be like to have a real governing body. But the way things are going, I’m not sure we’ll ever know.